


Meat and Candy

by dexsnursey (nerdy_farm_girl)



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Check Please Big Bang 2016, Getting Together, M/M, Slow Burn, bisexual dex, dex is in a relationship with an OFC for the first chapter, it's very sweet please don't write me off because of this lol, meet the poindexters, mild descriptions of blood/gore, they are assholes to each other, typical bro language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-01
Updated: 2016-11-01
Packaged: 2018-08-28 05:43:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 20,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8433943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nerdy_farm_girl/pseuds/dexsnursey
Summary: “Nursey!” The other kid that had arrived with Eric, with sick flow and a mustache, begins talking rather loudly to Annoyingly Attractive. “Representing Andover on the Taddy Tour! What up bro?”The cookie turns to cardboard in Billy’s mouth. He can see it as if it was yesterday, the resigned look on Rochelle’s face as she broke up with him, the guy that walked into her room before Billy closed his computer, all sculpted brows and proud nose and striking green eyes that Billy had hated the minute he saw them.Of course.Of fucking course.   Billy Poindexter might be great at hockey, and working hard, and annoying his sisters, but he definitely needs some help when it comes to navigating his emotions. He's not sure what's worse, still missing the girl that broke up with him over a year ago, or being on the same defensive line as the rich pretty boy asshole she was "friends" with at their preppy, private high school. As Billy becomes Dex, he not only becomes part of the team at Samwell, but learns that maybe he doesn't hate Derek Nurse so much after all.





	1. Back when I was gasoline and this old tattoo had brand new ink

**Author's Note:**

> All Check, Please! characters were created by and belong to the amazing Ngozi. Thank you so much for giving us this wonderful universe.
> 
> This fic was inspired by the song Springsteen by Eric Church, and is named after Old Dominion's album Meat & Candy (I know, country music is the worst, I'm sorry)
> 
> A millions thanks to Emily for beta-ing and cheerleading and keeping me motivated to finish this thing (when we weren't distracted by gifs of Jamie Benn)
> 
> Finally, thank you to my amazing artist, Alissa! I am so amazed by your beautiful art, thank you! Alissa's art is posted on tumblr [here](https://aachcrivens.tumblr.com/post/152612740136/art-for-the-check-please-big-bang-accompanies)!

_“I bumped in to you by happenstance_   
_You probably wouldn't even know who I am_   
_But if I whispered your name, I bet there'd still be a spark_   
_Back when I was gasoline and this old tattoo had brand new ink_   
_And we didn't care what your momma think 'bout your name on my arm.”_

_-Eric Church,[Springsteen](https://play.spotify.com/track/05ZACkzW8YbRq3eFgIfSNB)_

The summer before senior year of high school, William Poindexter falls in love.

They meet on the beach, at an illegal bonfire started by the local kids. Billy (because he’s still Billy then) is there with his cousin, their faces and arms burned red from their first week out on the boat, the alcohol after a long day in the sun hitting them harder than it usually does. It doesn’t matter really, Billy is comfortable in a scene like this, surrounded by kids who grew up in blue collared families, families that make this little tourist town possible. He knows most of their names by now, with it being his second summer working here and all. There’s Kelly that works in the gift shop on Main, Mike and Matt, waiters at the restaurant that rich people dock their boats at. Jess is a lobsterman’s daughter, and her boyfriend Dan works for the town highway department. There are more of them, their faces lit by the glow of the flames as they hold cheap bottles of beer to their lips.

And then Rochelle shows up.

She slides down the dunes in her bare feet, hair a mess of wild curls around her head and eyes lit up with mischief. Billy’s knees weaken at the sound of her laughter, echoing off the sand and the waves.

“So this is where the real party’s at!” She half sings, her polished accent so obvious juxtaposed with the slight Boston accents that generally populate the Cape. Billy’s eyes track the trail she came down, leading back through the dunes and the beach roses to the big mansions that line the coast.

“No one followed you right?” Someone asks, Billy can’t be sure who. He’s too caught up in staring like the teenaged boy he is.

“No!” The girl bounces closer to the fire. “My name’s Rochelle, I’m so happy to meet you all!”

And just like that, she becomes part of their little group.

Billy didn’t really talk to her that night, too shy to leave his cousin Jimmy’s side, and not quite drunk enough to take a chance like that.

But the next night as Billy helps his uncle unload the day’s catch, he spots her wandering along the docks. She shouldn’t be there, too pretty and naïve to walk alone in a place populated with rough and tumble men.

“Rochelle!” He calls to her, ignoring the way his cheeks heat up the minute her name leaves his lips.

“Billy? Right?” She asks, eyes shining with a smile. She seems friendlier than the girls Billy grew up with, open in a way that makes her seem almost vulnerable.

“Yeah,” he says pushing a hand through his hair, suddenly self-conscious of the stained t-shirt and the brightness of his hair.  “What are you doing down here?”

Rochelle shrugs and scuffs the toe of her sandal across the weathered wood beneath her feet. “Corinne told me not to come down here,” she grins up at him, proud. “So obviously I had to come.”

“Corinne?”

“My mother,” Rochelle’s grin turns sharp. Billy blinks. He can never imagine calling his mom by her first name – unless in jest, and would never dream of directly disobeying her. “She gets pissy when I don’t behave like a good little girl and follow all her rules.”

“I’m not very good at breaking rules,” Billy says, hoping his smirk hides the nerves fluttering in his belly.

“That’s okay,” Rochelle replies, reaching for his hand. “I can teach you.”

Rochelle ends up teaching him a lot of things, how to sneak out at night and how to take shots of expensive alcohol without flinching. She teaches him how to kiss and how to touch, with his hands and his mouth. She teaches him how to love freely, like summer lasts forever and anything is possible.

Billy’s never been in love before, but he thinks he might be. He falls asleep at night thinking about Rochelle’s smile, about the curve of her hips and the taste of her lips. And he’s pretty sure she loves him back too, even though he knows deep down that part of his appeal is that he’d not who she’s supposed to be with. There’s just something in the way her kiss lingers, in the way she holds his hand that makes him think this might actually be real.

They spend the summer driving around in Billy’s old truck, windows rolled down so the sea breeze can ruffle their hair. Rochelle doesn’t seem to mind that Billy can’t afford to take her out on expensive dates or buy her gifts. Instead they park out on a deserted beach and dance to the old tapes Billy has in his truck, holding each other close as I’m On Fire floats on the breeze from the one good speaker. 

Everyone except Billy is surprised when Rochelle convinces him to get a tattoo. She got the idea from a movie, or a song, or a poem, but it doesn’t really matter, because Billy’s in love and Jimmy knows a guy who knows a guy who has a tattoo gun and won’t ask questions like ‘ _how old are you?’_ or ‘ _you sure about this kids?’_.

The garage is lit by flickering fluorescent lights. It’s not necessarily _clean_ but it’s not really dirty, and Billy feels comfortable there, surrounded by the smell of grease and oil and the various wrenches and power tools hanging on the walls. He holds Rochelle’s left hand as his name’s inked into the delicate skin of her right wrist. She squeezes so hard his fingers turned purple, silent tears leaking out of the corners of her warm brown eyes. But Billy is so proud of her anyways, his chest going all warm and tight at the sight of _William_ permanently marked on her skin. Billy refuses to flinch when his turn comes around, holding Rochelle’s hand loosely as the needle breaks the skin on his left bicep. He thinks then, through the pain, that this might be what love is all about, this permanence and the way kissing her is all he ever wants to do.

Billy’s good at being the boyfriend from the wrong side of the tracks. He’s good looking in what his sister likes to call “A Backwoods Way”, with his red hair and freckles and nose crooked from being broken too many times. As a child he’d always felt ugly, but he’s grown into his features and put on muscle through hockey and working, and at 6’2”, he looks more like a man than a sixteen year old kid. He can tell her father disapproves, on that one terrible night Rochelle made him put on a button up shirt and come over for dinner. But Billy doesn’t approve of her father either, doesn’t approve of anyone with enough money to spend entire summers on vacation and buy their children fancy foreign cars for their sixteenth birthday. Rochelle’s mother is even worse, with the way she gives him a once over and then refuses to speak to him directly after that, the way she speaks to Rochelle like she’s a client instead of her sixteen year old daughter. Rochelle deserved so much better. Billy longs to bring her home to Maine, to introduce her to all his sisters and brothers and feed her his mother’s cooking. But he’s embarrassed of the state of his parents’ house, the disarray inside and out that so sharply contrasts with the state of Rochelle’s parents’ _summer_ home. They have time anyways, he can still bring Rochelle home, one day.

But time runs out before their tattoos even heal.

Rochelle’s waiting for him at the docks one evening in late August, her hair thrown up in a knot, cheeks stained with tears. She jumps him as soon as he leaps from the boat, her legs wrapping around his waist and face tucking into the curve of his neck.

“I’m leaving in the morning,” she chokes, her breath ragged and wet. “They didn’t tell me on purpose, thought they could get me out of here without saying bye. But I figured them out.” Billy’s throat goes tight, and he holds back his own tears, rubbing his hands up and down the length of her spine.

“It’ll be alright,” he whispers, wishing he could believe those words himself. Rochelle kisses him senseless, right there on the dock, pressing promises into his lips about keeping in touch and how he can come down and visit her at Andover. For a moment, Billy lets himself believe.

They do keep in touch, at first. Rochelle calls him every night for a week, but then it settles down to every other night and daily texts, until finally the calls stop all together and the texting becomes a trickle. Rochelle breaks up with him on a Monday afternoon ( _of course_ ) over Skype. The door to her dorm room is open, and Billy can hear people yelling through the speakers, and catches the occasional glimpse of boat shoes and designer hand bags.

“I’m not good at the long distance thing,” Rochelle says solemnly, though it doesn’t even look like she’s been crying. “I’m sorry Billy, I just… I think it’s best for both of us. Maybe we can try again next summer?” Billy nods and tries not to cry, wishing her best of luck and slamming his laptop shut when some kid with curly hair and a too handsome face steps into her room on the other side.

Heartbreak hurts more than Billy expects it to. He hides his sadness with anger, taking it out on the ice. He starts skating until his legs won’t work, handing out rougher checks, as if the guys on the other teams are responsible for losing Rochelle. The anger slowly goes from boiling to simmering, mostly centered on rich boys with their perfectly handsome faces and exotic cars they don’t know how to change the oil for.  More than anything he misses Rochelle, misses the dimples in her smile and the way her eyes shined when he gave her that necklace made of sea glass and shells. He misses the feel of her fingers threaded with his, misses the way she’d kiss the corner of his mouth and the way she’d laugh at his dry jokes.

But life soldiers on, and the Boothbay Boy’s Hockey team makes it to the playoffs, and William Poindexter earns himself a lot of attention from New England colleges. Billy has already applied to the schools he wants though, UMAINE and the community college and Samwell University. Samwell’s his favorite school, not far from Boston (potential jobs outside of fishing), with _Jack Zimmermann_ on the hockey team. And there was the reputation, “1 in 4, maybe more,” that has Billy pausing, thinking. He remembers junior year of highschool, when he had caught himself staring at Mikey’s lips too many times, when he spent just as much time thinking about boys as he did girls. And not just sex, it was mostly little things, like holding hands and cuddling. For years he’s been trying to ignore it, all too aware of the way most of the people in this town feel about anyone who isn’t straight and white.

Samwell would be ideal, where Billy could just be himself and play some great hockey and maybe move on with his life. But Samwell’s basically an Ivy League, and there isn’t a chance the Poindexters can afford it, not with seven potential college tuitions to scrape up in the next decade. Billy wouldn’t have even applied, but his sister Kat urged him to, shoving scholarship after scholarship in his face. And for a moment, Billy lets himself _wish_. And then he promptly and purposefully forgets about it.

Billy’s toes are numb and he’s not sure if it’s sweat or snow that’s soaked through all three of his shirts, but either way, it’s uncomfortable. He stands just inside the front door, carefully stripping out of his boots and clothes and attempting not to get snow all over his mother’s kitchen. The woman in question stands over the stove, apron tied around her waist and faded red hair curling around the edges. She’s humming softly with the classic rock playing on the radio, the kitchen filled with the smell of homemade tomato sauce and garlic bread. For a moment, Billy’s overwhelmed with love for his family and this place he calls home.

“Thanks for shoveling kiddo,” his mom says, her brown eyes tired. “Dad will be so happy he doesn’t have to do it when he gets home.”

“It’s not like anyone else was going to do it,” Billy smirks, finally freeing himself from the last of his soaked clothes.

“Kat would have done it if I made her,” his mom grins. “With only her standard amount of complaining.”

“I heard that!” His sister Kat yells from the living room, her voice even more nasally than usual. “And I’m _sick_ , that’s not fair, Ma.” His mom looks like she wants to argue, and Billy has never been more thankful to hear the phone start to ring on the wall.

“Can you get that for me Billy? Unless it’s Grandma I’m not here.”

Billy nods and scrambles for the phone, fumbling it slightly before pressing it against his ear.

“Hello?”

“Hi, this is Coach Hall from Samwell University, is William Poindexter available?”

“Um,” Billy swallows the lump in his throat. “Do you um, mean me? Or my dad?”

“I’m assuming your dad isn’t the one who carried Boothbay High School’s hockey team to the championships?” Coach Hall chuckles, and Billy’s cheeks start to burn.

“No sir, that’s me.”

“Well good, I want to talk to you about coming to play for us at Samwell. We’ve been keeping a close eye on you this year.”

“I… I uh, okay?” Billy stumbles towards the kitchen counter, collapsing onto a stool. He ignores his mother’s searching look, instead fumbling for a pad of paper and pen.

“Well son, I’ve talked with admissions, and while your grades alone are good enough to be accepted into Samwell, it looks like you’re looking for some financial help.”

“Yes sir,” Billy replies, knuckles turning white as his fingers curl tightly around the pen in his hand. “Samwell is a great school, but we can’t – it’s not – it won’t be possible for me without some scholarships.”

“I understand Mr. Poindexter.” Coach Hall clears his throat. “I’ve spoken with Coach Murray, and our current captain-“Billy’s brain shorts out for a moment. _Jack Zimmermann_ knows who he is!! “-and because of your impressive performance both on the ice and in the classroom, we’ll be able to offer you a full ride scholarship. This means that your tuition and board will be covered in full by the university. All you will have to pay for is your books.”

“I… I…” Billy blinks, eyes wide as he lifts his gaze, finally meeting his mom’s curious stare.

“You don’t have to give me an answer right now,” Coach Hall continues, sounding almost like he’s laughing. “There’s an official letter in the mail, you will have a few months to decide, I’m sure you have a bunch of offers coming your way.”

“Um…” Billy swallows again. He’s not about to mention the fact that there haven’t been any other offers, or at least none good enough for him to take notice. “Okay?”

“Well thanks for your time Mr. Poindexter, I hope to be hearing from you soon.”

“Um, thank you?” It sounds like Coach Hall chuckles on the other end, before hanging up.

“Who was that?” His mother asks immediately, her hair frizzing at the temples. “Why are your eyes all big like that? What’s going on Billy?”

“That was… that was Coach Hall from Samwell?” Billy says slowly, his heart starting to pick up speed in his chest. “He um, he just offered me a full ride…” He’s not at all prepared for the whoop Kat lets out in his ear, although he’s not at all surprised when the cry of joy fades into a rather disgusting cough, and she all but collapses into the stool beside him, a blanket wrapped around her like a cocoon.

“Calm down, you look like a gnome.”

“I least I don’t look like a leprechaun.”

“Yes you do, who do you think you’re kidding?”

“ _Billy!_ ” His mom shouts, wrapping one hand around his shoulder and shaking. “Stop arguing with your sister and talk to me!”

“Jeez Ma,” Kat sniffles, wiping her nose on the blanket. “Keep it together.”

Their mother levels a _look_ at Kat, before her expression clears and settles back on Billy. “Tell me exactly what he said.”

“He said that he’s watched my tapes, and looked at my transcript, and they want me, so they’re giving me a full ride…. All I have to cover is books.” It hits him then, that this could really happen, that he could get a first class education and all he has to do to pay for it is play hockey.

“Oh honey,” his mom pulls him into a hug, her familiar lavender scent surrounding him. “My baby’s going to college!”

“I haven’t accepted yet Ma,” he mumbles into her shoulder, smiling all the same.

“No one cried when I got into URI,” Kat grumbles from her blanket burrito.

“It’s ‘cause no one likes you Kat-Terd.”

“Billy stop it,” his mom swats the back of his head. “You know we’re very proud of you Katherine, I’m pretty sure your father cried.”

“And bought a new laptop ‘cause you’re his _little girl_ ,” Billy adds, pulling back from his mom’s embrace to sneer at his sister. She scowls back, her eyes puffy and nose all red.

“We all know Mags is the real princess in this operation,” Kat sniffles, rolling her eyes for effect. “Don’t even act like it’s me.”

“There’s no favorites, will you two stop that!” Their mom huffs, shuffling away and back towards the stove. “This is the time for celebrating, not whining about who’s the favorite child!”

Billy rolls his eyes, but relaxes when Kat manages to untangle one too warm arm from her blanket burrito and throw it over his shoulders. “Proud of you kid,” she whispers, quiet enough so their mom can’t hear. “You’re gonna be awesome.”

 

* * *

 

It’s strange, to be spending so much time alone with his Dad. They had drove down to Uncle Charlie’s house last night, spending too much time talking and not enough time sleeping. Billy’s eyes feel heavy now as they drive towards Samwell’s campus, but his limbs are full of nervous anticipation.

“You know you didn’t have to take the day off for me, Dad,” Billy says, breaking the relative peace filling the cab of his dad’s truck. “I feel bad.”

“I wanted to come Billy,” his Dad interrupts, reaching across the center console to cuff him gently on the shoulder. “My boy’s gonna be playing some damn good hockey, of course I wanna check the place out.”

Billy smiles at the dashboard, reaching for his cooling cup of coffee and taking a long sip. It’s too sweet and too light, but it has to be, with the way Charlie makes his coffee. He settles back into his seat, willing himself to relax. It’s all going to be all right.

Nothing is alright.

They haven’t been on campus more than five minutes, and he’s already seen more boat shoes and pastel shorts than he ever needs to see in his entire lifetime.

“I dunno Dad,” Billy mumbles as they push open the doors to Faber Memorial Rink. “Doesn’t this place seem kind of…”

“Preppy?” His dad grins at him, throwing a heavy arm around his shoulders. “You’ll be wearing polo shirts in no time.”

“Oh hell no,” Billy groans, all at once annoyed that he forgot to bring his baseball hat with him today.  He likes to pull it down low over his eyes and hide himself away from the world.

Unsurprisingly, they’re some of the first people there, apart from an overly excited kid wearing a Shark’s hat _and_ a Shark’s sweatshirt _and_ Billy is pretty sure the elastics on his braces are teal and black. He’s a little over the top, but he seems to be genuine in it. It doesn’t take long for Billy to find out that his name is Chris Chow, and he’s a goalie from San Francisco, and the first place he ever skated was right here at Faber.

“I can’t wait to get a nickname,” Chris says, his face half pressed against the glass. “I follow some of the guys on twitter and they’ve like, got some totally rad nicknames! Like Ransom! How cool is that!”

“Listen up!” Billy is saved from having to formulate a response to that by the arrival of a small girl who gives off a vibe like she doesn’t take any shit. “My name is Larissa, I’m the manager of the Samwell Men’s Hockey team, and I want to welcome you guys to your new home.” She half smiles, eyes flicking towards the top of the bleachers as a few more people file in. Billy follows her gaze, frowning at the boy slouching down into the bleachers. There’s something familiar about him, but what’s more annoying is how _good looking_ he is. It’s rude honestly, and no seventeen-year-old should be allowed to be sporting 5 o’clock shadow like a forty-year-old man.

Billy hates him and his dumb face on principle.

“This joint is top notch kiddo,” his dad says as they follow Larissa through the locker room, carefully stepping around the giant S painted on the floor.

“Yeah I guess.” Billy shoves his hands into his pockets. “Seems a little…” He shrugs. “Preppy.” His dad doesn’t say anything, just shakes his head, but Billy didn’t expect him to respond anyways.

They complete the tour, circling back around to the start. “Right boys, that was the tour of Faber Memorial Rink. Again, my name’s Larissa, I’m the team manager, so if you have any more questions, I can answer them. Otherwise, we’ve got a campus tour starting in a minute.” She frowns down at her clipboard. “ _If_ our tour guide decides to show up.”

“Bro.” Chris is back at the glass, his nose pressed against it like a little kid. “Faber’s cooler than I imagined! Can’t you picture it? Being at center ice face off with the big windows in the back?!” Billy frowns and crosses his arms. _No_ , he can’t really picture it. “Well, one of you guys would be at center ice, I’d be in the net.”

“I mean,” Billy glances around, suddenly aware that his dad has disappeared. “I guess it’s alright. But I’m still, uh, leaning towards a state school – or somewhere less…. Preppy.”

“Hey it’s Poindexter – Dex – right?” Chris grins at him, apparently oblivious to Billy’s confusion. “Could you take my picture? I can’t get over how ‘swawesome those windows are!” Billy would have agreed, eventually, though he’s a little caught up on the fact that this Chris kid (god, goalies really are weird) seems to have assigned him a nickname. One that’s admittedly a lot cooler than his old one (The Kid), but still. It feels like one of the seniors should bestow it on him.

“Yeah sure-“

“Goooood morning, my lovely little tadpoles!” Billy flinches, swiveling around to watch two boys make their way down the stairs towards them. The little one keeps talking, words dripping from his lips like honey. “First off, sorry for being late! ‘Specially when we got so much stuff packed in for the rest of the day!” He sets the box he’s carrying down on the bleachers. “My name is Eric Bittle, official Samwell Hockey Hospitality Representative and unofficial Samwell Tour Guide…” He pauses dramatically, brown eyes almost sparkling with excitement. “And I brought y’all goodie bags.”

Billy gets his goodie bag and digs in, rather reluctantly pleased at how _good_ the cookies inside are. He’s kind of surprised that a guy like Bitty is associated with the hockey team – back home he wouldn’t have survived an hour – but then again, Samwell is supposed to be different.

“Nursey!” The other kid that had arrived with Eric, with sick flow and a mustache, begins talking rather loudly to Annoyingly Attractive. “Representing Andover on the Taddy Tour! What up bro?”

The cookie turns to cardboard in Billy’s mouth. He can see it as if it was yesterday, the resigned look on Rochelle’s face as she broke up with him, the guy that walked into her room before Billy closed his computer, all sculpted brows and proud nose and striking green eyes that Billy had hated the minute he saw them.

Of course.

Of fucking course.

His right hand grabs for his left bicep, Rochelle’s name burning against his skin. Billy’s stomach flips and then sinks, skin going cold and clammy. Samwell had been looking pretty good, but if this _Nursey_ is going to be here, the guy that potentially stole Rochelle away from him, it might not even be worth it.

He can barely remember the rest of the tour, though he has vague recollections of possibly rudely suggesting that Eric wasn’t manly enough to be on the hockey team, and possibly arguing with _Nursey_ about politics. How that even happened, he doesn’t know. All he does know, is that he left Samwell even more unsure than when he got there.

He stews on it for a few weeks, running drills at the rink until his legs feel like jelly, lifting weights down in the basement until he can’t lift his arms any more.

“ _Dude_.” He lets the dumbbells drop to the floor with a clank, looking up to find Kat watching him from the basements steps. “The kids are getting worried about you.”

“What are you even doing home?” Billy asks, wiping the sweat off his brow with the bottom of his t-shirt. “Shouldn’t you be in another state?”

“Came home for Dad’s birthday asshole,” Kat snaps, her bottom lip quivering. “What the fuck is your issue? Kelly called me crying last week because you screamed at her for fucking bumping into you in the hall, and Colin said you haven’t even spoken to him or the twins in weeks. And worst of all, Maggie asked me why you didn’t like us anymore when I got home last night! Seriously Billy, what the fuck?”

It’s like a punch to the gut, hearing how much he’s hurt his family over the past few weeks. Billy presses the heels of his hands into his eyes, trying to hold back the tears he can feel burning.

“’M sorry,” he mumbles, his own bottom lip trembling. “I’m just… I… I miss her.”

“ _Billy_.” He can hear Kat sigh but he doesn’t look up, just leans into her when she settles beside him and wraps her arm around his shoulders.

“I just… she was my best friend Kat. And then she was just gone.”

“You could always call her bud,” Kat murmurs, one of her hands pressing lightly between his shoulders. “You’re still allowed to talk to her.”

“I don’t know…”

“You either need to call her, or you need to figure this shit out. It’s pretty bad when your four year old sister thinks you hate her.”

“Oh god,” Billy groans, slapping blindly at Kat when she laughs. “I’m such an asshole.”

“Yup.” He finally looks up, only to find Kat looking unbelievably smug. “Fix it.”

He apologizes to Kelly first, offering to help her with her algebra homework, before joining his brothers and littlest sister in the living room. His mood starts to lift immediately, with Maggie snuggled in his lap and Ben and Dan tucked under each arm. Kat looks smug about it from where she‘s curled up in their dad’s arm chair, strawberry blonde hair falling around her shoulders. She’s annoying but he loves her, loves them all, and couldn’t ask for anything more.

It takes three days for Billy to work up the nerve to call Rochelle. It’s almost midnight when he finally does, surely past Rochelle’s curfew, and he knows there’s a part of him that’s hoping it might go to voicemail. But Rochelle had never been one to let him down, and on the second ring, she answers.

“Billy?” Her voice is even sweeter than he remembers, soft and melodic.

“Hey ‘Chelle,” he whispers, casting a furtive glance towards Colin’s sleeping form across the room. “Long time.”

“Yeah.” She’s whispering too, the sound of blankets rustling like static over the phone. “What’s going on?”

“I’ve been… I um… I wanted to tell you something.” Billy feels his cheeks start to burn in the darkness of his bedroom. There’s no reason to, really, but something about Rochelle always set him on edge.

“What is it Billy?” Rochelle giggles, soft, like she used to when they’d lay in the back of Billy’s truck and look at the stars.

“I uh, Samwell offered me a full ride, for hockey… I just, I don’t know if I should go or not.”

“Billy! You listen to me and you listen good.” Rochelle demands sharply. “Now you’re allowed to do whatever you want, but don’t you dare pass up on this for some ridiculous reason like I’m sure you’re trying to come up right now.”

“But Chelle-“

“But nothing, you deserve this Billy, let yourself have it.”

“Still bossy I see,” Billy grumbles, grinning when Rochelle laughs.

“And proud of it,” he can almost hear her grin. “Oh! And one of my friends is going there too! He plays hockey too! Derek Nurse.” Billy groans internally. “He’s mad chill, you’re gonna hate him.”

“Your friend huh?”

“Oh don’t be like that Billy.” Rochelle scolds. “He’s just my friend. And it shouldn’t matter to you anyways.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, be better,” Rochelle sings. “But I gotta go Billy! Think about what I said!”

And just like that, she’s gone.


	2. 'Cause I'm a sucker for pain

_“I'm devoted to destruction_   
_A full dosage of detrimental dysfunction_   
_I'm dying slow but the devil tryna rush me_   
_See I'm a fool for pain, I'm a dummy”_

_-Lil’ Wayne,[Sucker For Pain](https://play.spotify.com/track/7qUJQSNX9QNf46CC6FgH66)_

There’s something that makes Billy feel intensely guilty about leaving his job with his uncle a whole month earlier than he usually does. But pre-season at Samwell starts the second week of August, and he couldn’t move to school without spending some time with his family. So in the end, he says goodbye to the lobsters and his uncle on the last day of July, and moves his ass into his dorm at Samwell University one week later.

His dorm isn’t all that bad. It’s a single, and the off white cinderblock walls are kind of drab, but he covered them with Bruins posters and pictures of his family from his bedroom back at home. The bathroom’s down the hall, but Billy is used to sharing with eight other people, so it’s actually an upgrade to have more than one shower stall available.

This morning he’s up too early, stomach twisting in knots as he takes one last look at the campus map before folding it up and shoving it into the pocket of his sweats. His first skate with the team starts in twenty minutes, and even though he knows the walk to Faber only takes about seven, he swings his bag over his shoulder and heads for the door. The dorm is quiet, save for a few early risers returning from morning runs. Billy nods at a few of the people he passes, mouth a hard line that seems to confuse people. Everyone’s always smiling here. Billy doesn’t like it.

The grass slides beneath his tattered sneakers, heavy with dew from the night before. The air is heavy too, thick with the humidity that seems to cling the minute you get more than half an hour away from the coast. Billy spots Eric – the one with the pies on the taddy tour – up in front of him, wearing a tank top and shorter shorts than Billy would ever imagine wearing himself. He’s chatting with someone tall and dark haired, sweatpants that were probably supposed to be baggy doing nothing to hide the hockey ass and thighs beneath them.

 _Do not check out your future teammates,_ Billy chides himself, hanging back from the pair but still consciously following them down to the rink. He catches what sounds like _Mr. Zimmermann_ from their conversation, and his cheeks flush. Yup. Not only was he checking out a future teammate, he was checking out _Jack Zimmermann_.

He pauses when they enter the rink, waiting until the doors stay firmly closed for a good thirty seconds before entering himself. The cool darkness calms him some, familiar enough that he can breathe a little bit more easily. But raucous laughter seeps from the crack beneath the locker room door, and that alone is enough to start his palms sweating.  It’s fine though, it’ll be fine.

A silence falls across the locker room when he steps inside. They’re all staring at him, all these boys (men really, they’re _big_ ) that he doesn’t recognize. They don’t recognize him either, he can tell by the blank looks on their faces and the concerned twists to their mouths.

“Dex!” A familiar voice breaks the silence, and Billy gravitates towards it, finding the smiling face of Chris Chow. The tension in the room breaks, and the rest of the guys go back to chatting amongst themselves. “I don’t know if you remember me? I’m Chris Chow, I’m going to be the goalie! Isn’t that so great! I’m so glad you decided to come here!”

“Hey man,” Billy says softly, setting his bag in the empty stall beside Chris’s. “Good to see you too.” None of the other boys seem to be putting their gear on yet, so Billy drops onto the bench beside Chris, pulling his phone out of his pocket out of habit. There’s no notifications, too early for Kat to be harassing him and his parents don’t text much anyways.

He passes the next ten minutes in relative silence, mostly listening to Chris chat with Eric and trying not to eavesdrop on the rest of the guys. The tense quiet descends across the room again, and Billy tries not to scowl as Derek Nurse stands in front of the entire team and smiles lazily.

“Yo, I’m Derek,” he waves with two fingers. “But you can call me Nursey.” It’s annoying, how smooth he is, shooting finger guns at the kid with the mustache as he swaggers across the locker room. Billy kind of wants to punch him in his perfect face. But then he trips over a gym bag and face plants into Chris’s lap. Billy grins wickedly. The world has righted itself once more.

“Dude!” Chris squeaks, pushing Nursey to his feet. The sleeve of his t-shirt rides up, revealing intricately inked lines and patterns circling his bicep. “That’s a ‘swawesome tattoo!”

“Thanks man,” Nursey says, slowly, like it’s not how he normally speaks. “Started it last year.” Billy’s hand goes to his own tattoo, thankfully covered by the sleeve of his t-shirt. “My mom took me to get it, said she’d rather have me get one that means something when I’m young, than get drunk at a party and end up with some chick’s name tattooed on my ass.” Chris and some of the other guys laugh, but Billy feels his cheeks start to heat. Yeah. He definitely hates this guy.

“Listen up!” Up in the front of the room, Larissa balances precariously on top of a chair.

“Lardsssssssssss!” The mustached kid yells, grinning when Larissa flips him off. Billy isn’t exactly sure _why_ anyone would address anyone else as _Lards_ but he’s not about to question it.

“After what I’m sure will be a thrilling speech from your captain, I’ll distribute your gear. But first, we’ve got some new frogs that I’d like to introduce to y’all.”

“FINE!!” Someone yells, but Billy is too focused on the way almost every pair of eyes is focused intently on him.

“Fuck off Holster,” Larissa says with an eye roll. “First we’ve got Chris Chow, goalie.” She points to Chris, who stands up and waves, braces glinting in the fluorescent lights. “And Derek Nurse and Will Poindexter, defensemen.” Billy has no idea how Nursey reacts, too busy hoping his chin tilt and the way he _doesn’t_ correct Larissa about his name are cool enough. Not to mention the fact that Derek Nurse is a defenseman too. Why couldn’t he be a center or something? Of _course_ he has to play a position that heightens the chances of them having to play together. Of course.

“Wait,” one of the guys says, and wow, he’s handsome, with big brown eyes and smooth dark skin and cheekbones that could cut glass. “Didn’t I hear Chow calling you Dexter? Dex? Or something?” Billy freezes, suddenly aware that he’s being addressed directly.

“Uh…”

“Yeah! Dex!” Chris grins happily. “Isn’t that your nickname?” He looks at Billy questioningly, as if he’s supposed to back him up on this.

Billy swallows hard. “Um, yeah, I guess.”

“ _Dex_.” A huge blond kid says slowly, glasses slipping down his nose. “I like it.” He grins then, extending a giant hand. “I’m Holster, and this is Ransom-“ He jabs a finger toward Brown Eyes. “My defensive half.” Billy clasps his hand and shakes. “Welcome to the best damn team in New England.” Considering his knowledge of the number of Canadians in the room (one, at least), Billy decides to keep his opinions about the superiority of the Bruins to himself.

Practice is… Practice is a disaster.  
It starts off pretty good. Jack Zimmermann actually made a couple of jokes, and no one noticed Billy’s tattoo when they were putting on their gear, and the ice was so smooth beneath Billy’s skates he almost wanted to cry. The first few drills they ran went well too, with Billy easily adjusting to having skates on his feet again.

And then Coach Murray had to go and pair him up with Nursey.

Probably the most infuriating part is that their passes almost always connect. Billy can sense where Nursey is on the ice without really trying, though it feels more like unease than awareness. But Nursey skates slow when Billy skates fast, and rolls his eyes whenever Billy checks someone against the boards. He says _chill_ like twenty million times, and most of them are directed at Billy’s flushed face. They argue about strategy, about checking, about the color of the god damn sticker on Chow’s helmet.

By the end of practice, Billy is about ready to quit.

He doesn’t though, because he needs hockey and he needs this degree and he needs to play on this team. Nursey doesn’t quit either, which is kind of disappointing, but at the same time, there’s no one else who plays with Billy the way Derek Nurse does. Just the sound of Nursey’s stupid voice alone gets his blood rushing, makes his comebacks sharper and gets all the synapses of his brain firing. Billy has never played such good hockey in his life.

It takes a week for “Dex” to catch on with the team, and another week after that for Billy to start responding to it. By the middle of September, it’s become his _name_. No one’s called him Billy in weeks, except for his mom of course. During classes the professors don’t use names really, and if they do, they use Mr. Poindexter, or Will. And the team – the team almost exclusively uses Dex, sometimes Poindexter, and everyone once and a horrifying while Dexy. He starts using it when he introduces himself – “I’m Will, but you can call me Dex’, and it feels… natural.

By the time the leaves start to change colors, Dex hasn’t thought about Rochelle once. He feels a little guilty about it, honestly, but she hasn’t contacted him either, so he figures he’s not the only one. It would be nice if he could say that everything is going great, that his classes are super fun and hockey is the best. Which - hockey _is_ the best – but being paired up permanently with Derek Nurse most definitely is not.

Nursey is just the _worst_ , with his carefully styled hair and eyebrows that must be like… plucked or whatever it is people do to their eyebrows and his annoyingly coordinated outfits that say “I don’t want you to think I care how I look, but I specifically matched my hat to my shoes and belt”. He’s pretentious, and annoying, and has no idea what it’s like to not just get everything he wants. On top of all that, he seems to hate Dex, always giving him a hard time and needling him into arguments about privilege and politics.

The thing is, Dex is slowly coming to terms with the fact that maybe his family (or less his family and more his friends and community) are just… wrong. He knows this, he does, but it’s _hard_ to unlearn things over night. Dex has always been logical though, and he's not about to turn his entire belief system on its head just to fit in with a bunch of liberal arts students. Plus, arguing with Nursey is… he wouldn’t say _fun_ , but it’s _something_ , and there isn’t anything better than watching Nursey’s carefully curated chill crumble.

After that first practice, Dex always makes sure to cover up his tattoo. He uses Band-Aids and ace bandages mostly, making up stories about bumping into things or pulling muscles whenever someone asks. It’s not that he’s embarrassed of Rochelle, he’s not – she’s beautiful and funny and he loved her with all of his heart. It’s just that he doesn’t want to talk about it; doesn’t want anyone else to know that he got a tattoo for a girl that doesn’t love him anymore. Not to mention the fact that she’s _friends_ with Nursey, that it wouldn’t be too hard for Nursey to connect the dots between the _Rochelle_ on his arm and the Rochelle he went to high school with. Even that might be okay, but the chirping would undoubtedly come from every member of the team would be anything but _fun_. It’s cool to have a tattoo like Nursey, or one that _means_ something, but your ex-girlfriend’s name? Not so cool.

“I feel like Poindexter would pass out at the thought of getting tatted,” Nursey grins, lounging across the bench as if he’s doing some kind of locker room shoot for an ESPN Body issue. He’ll probably end up on the Zamboni butt naked with a Popsicle next. “It’s always the big tough guys that pass out.”

“I didn’t-“ Dex stops himself from continuing, the urge to _prove_ himself to this asshole welling up inside of him. “Fuck off Nurse,” he says instead, only feeling marginally guilty when Chowder’s face goes from faintly amused to disappointed. “You don’t know shit.”

“Come on guys, let’s just-“

“It’s alright C, bein’ a bitch is just Poindexter’s defense mechanism.” Nursey smirks, slow, like he’s proud of himself, and Dex kind of wants to punch him and ruin the perfect line of his nose. “He’s probably one of those guys who faints at the sight of blood.”

Dex pauses for a moment and stares deliberately down at his knuckles, permanently scarred from years of throwing his fists when he couldn’t find the words. He thinks about the scar that runs down the inside of his right arm, from that time a fishing hook had gotten stuck there, only for it to be attached to the lobster pot his cousin just threw back. He thinks about all the times he came home from school with bloody lips and black eyes and a broken nose, and he grins.

“You know what it feels like to break someone’s nose?” Dex asks, well aware of the fact that he probably sounds a bit terrifying. He hopes so, anyway, it’s what he’s trying for.

“Nah man,” Nursey shakes his head and grins, but it’s forced this time. “I’m a lover not a fighter.”

“It’s oddly satisfying,” Dex continues, pulling his t-shirt on over his head. “You can hear the cartilage crack, feel the blood all warm on your hand and shit.” He shrugs before leaning down to lace up his boots. “Really sucks to get your own nose broken though. ‘Specially when you don’t have enough money to make sure it heals straight.” He runs his fingers down the ridge of his nose, pressing lightly on the slight bump, left over from tenth grade. When he looks up, Nursey looks sufficiently horrified, while Chowder looks somewhere between disgusted and amused.

“So-“ Nursey pauses to clear his throat. “What you’re saying is you don’t have an issue with blood.”

“That’s exactly what I’m saying.” Dex grins, wide and unnatural, before stalking purposefully out of the locker room.

“You should stop messing with him Nursey,” he hears Chowder say just as he reaches the door. “One day he’s gonna punch you and I’m not gonna stop him.” It might be wrong, to feel this immensely satisfied, but Dex has never felt this good about being wrong in his life.

* * *

Nursey looks good in red.

Dex scowls at the ice, hating himself for even acknowledging it, hating Nursey for _daring_ to be so attractive. It’s not like he _likes_ him or anything. Obviously. They can barely get along on a good day. The surprise of seeing him in his uniform for the first time just kind of caught him off guard. It’s fine though, it’ll be fine, Dex is sure that Nursey will make some comment any second now and all the remaining traces of attractiveness will vanish.

“Dude.” Ah, here is comes. “I bet when you blush you’ll be the same color as your jersey.” Dex frowns in the face of Nursey’s lopsided grin, annoyed that he’s _not_ annoyed, and even more annoyed that he can feel the heat rising in his cheeks. “Yup!” Nursey grins, skating backwards in front of him. “Same color.” He winks like some kind of suave asshole, before promptly crashing into Shitty and bringing them both down in a heap.

Dex slow claps it out for them, relieved in the distraction.

It’s their first game of the season (versus BC), and Dex is jittery with nerves. He should be focusing on the game, should be carefully watching the way Ransom and Holster are playing, but instead he keeps stealing glances at Nurse. Getting it together is more of a project than it should be, and out of nowhere Coach Murray subs them in for Rans and Holtz. He doesn’t remember much after that, just the blur of his teammates, the scrape of his skates on ice and the way Nursey crashes into him and grins when he gets an assist to Jack’s goal.

Later that night, when Ransom and Shitty are trying to convince him that doing a keg stand is a Samwell Men’s Hockey Tradition, he catches Nursey’s eye across the room. There’s a girl leaning all up in his space, her hair hanging down her back in long braids and her eyes big and brown. She’s beautiful and flirty and obviously into Nursey, and _that_ annoys Dex more than anything else has in a while.

He’s not really sure what it is that’s got his stomach clenching and blood rushing to his cheeks, and instead of examining it, he agrees to whatever it is Ransom is talking about. He manages not to puke, and with a stomach full of beer and vision going hazy, it’s not so hard to watch Nursey flirt with his green eyes and easy smile. In fact it’s almost _too_ easy, sprawled out across the couch and shoes kicked off, watching as Nursey gets drunker and drunker. He moves from flirting to dancing to dancing on the kitchen table, and it’s _fascinating._ It should be annoying, how stupid Nursey’s being and how good he looks, but Dex can’t really bring himself to care right now.

His eyelids are starting to droop when Nursey ends up on the couch with him, their legs all tangled together in the middle.

“ _Bro_ ,” Nursey drawls, holding the ‘o’ for way longer than necessary. “I think… I think ‘m a lil drunk.”

“No shit Sherlock,” Dex grumbles, pushing his toes into the meat of Nursey’s thigh. “Just shut up about it.”

“You shut up ‘bout it,” Nursey mumbles, eyes slipping closed as he yawns. “Jus’ let me sleep.”

“Whatever,” Dex says, just to me contrary. But he’s already mesmerized by the way Nursey’s eyelashes flutter, by the way his entire face goes lax as he slips off to sleep. There’s a part of him that wants to reach out, wants to trace the curve of Nursey’s jaw with his fingers. The rest of him writes it off as drunken stupidity, and lets his own eyes fall closed.

Things change after that. Dex can’t exactly put his finger on it, but their arguments become less explosive and Nursey doesn’t look at him with cold hatred in his eyes any more. The chirping is still relentless though, and Dex finds himself prepping for it, thinking of all the smart ass remarks he can use to try and one up Nursey with. Every conversation with Nursey is thrilling and frustrating and confusing, and Dex just might be getting addicted to the rush that comes with it.

They keep playing good hockey though, their chemistry on the ice becoming more natural and fluid than it was before. Dex starts to figure Nursey out, starts to anticipate his moves based on little clues like the way he tilts his hips or leans his shoulders. Coach Murray keeps letting them play too, giving them almost as much ice time as Ransom and Holster. Dex is playing the best hockey he’s ever played, and he’s almost certain he wouldn’t be playing as well if he wasn’t with this group of guys. If he wasn’t with Nursey, in particular. It’s nice, to know that he really fits not only on the team, but into a group of friends with Chowder and Nursey and the upper classmen. He’s just really, really glad he decided to come to Samwell.

* * *

Going home for winter break feels like Uncle Charlie looked that summer he quit smoking cold turkey.

Dex is happy to see his family, even if they do tease him about his new nickname, but it still feels like something’s missing. At first he doesn’t notice it, too busy helping his mother with Christmas preparations and helping his Aunt Mary out at the repair shop since Uncle Tim is under the weather. And then there’s Midnight Mass and Christmas morning and eating so much food he feels like he could burst.

But the next day, that’s when he notices. He wakes up early, his body so used to rolling out of bed and stumbling down to Faber for morning skate. As his bedroom comes into focus, complete with Kat’s snoring, he feels a pang in his chest. At first, he blames it on the fact that the younger siblings decided to reorganize the bedroom situation with both him and Kat out of the house, which means that Colin lives in the basement and Maggie sleeps in Kelly’s room and Ben and Dan took Dex’s old room. Which means that Kat and Dex are stuck in Ben and Dan’s old room. Which means bunks beds. Bunk beds are definitely not ideal for sharing with an extremely annoying older sister. Mom swears she’s going to turn it into a guest room, but that will be just as bad. Dex hasn’t shared a bed with Kat since they were much younger, but he can just tell that she still kicks like a donkey. 

Anyways, he wakes up and realizes he doesn’t _need_ to wake up, and for some god awful reason he’s not all that happy about it. At first he puts it off to missing his team. It makes sense, it’s rare for him to feel so comfortable with people so quickly. It’s a good enough reason too, he decides as he pulls on sweatpants and a long sleeve shirt. Missing his team is fine. He checks the group chat as he walks quietly down the stairs, not at all surprised to find his Dad already awake and reading the paper. They exchange silent nods as Dex shoves his feet into his sneakers.

He expects the _wrongness_ to fade as he starts jogging, finally waking up as blood starts to pump through his veins. But it doesn’t, if anything the silent, snow-lined streets seem to amplify it. Dex isn’t usually one to really think too long and hard about his emotions, but this feeling eats at him as he runs. It’s just that he supposed to be happy to be home, happy that he has a couple of weeks free of school work before the new semester starts. William Poindexter is a big fan of always doing exactly what he’s supposed to be doing.

It could just be missing his friends, but honestly, thinking about Bitty and Ransom or Holster doesn’t really make him feel any different than normal. He will admit that he misses Chowder, but he skyped with him yesterday and this doesn’t feel quite like that anyways.

Dex slows slightly as he nears the beach, jumping over the gate and following the path someone had dug through the snow down to the damp sand. Winter hasn’t been here long enough for the bay to freeze, but it wants too, delicate sheets of ice floating and breaking on the waves. He slows to a walk when his phone dings in his pocket, smile pulling unbidden at his lips when he sees Nursey’s name (Hipster Asshole) on his screen. He’s just responding to the group chat, but for some unknown reason Dex wants to text him, wants to needle him, wants to get a reaction. So he sends him a text privately.

 **Me:** **How was your Christmas?**

He scowls down at his phone, kind of annoyed that the words came out so innocuously. He meant to say something sharp or witty, not a desperate plea for conversation. His phone starts to vibrate in his hand, “Hipster Asshole” and a picture of Nursey passed out on the Haus floor taking up his screen. Dex stares at it a moment before answering cautiously. It _could_ just be a butt dial.

“Hello?”

“Dex!” Nursey yells, his voice loud enough that Dex has to pull the phone away from his ear.  “Whatcha doin’?”

“Why are you calling me?” Dex says instead of answering the question, trying to keep his voice as monotone as possible. “What is going on?”

“You texted me man,” Nursey exclaims. “Thought it’d be easier to just talk.” It’s almost eerie, how there’s no background noise coming from Nursey’s end.

“I was just-“ Dex stops himself, not sure what he was even planning on saying. _I was just lonely. I was just trying to aggravate you. I was just… missing you_. “How was your Christmas?”

Nursey sighs on the other end, a rustling sound following that might be sheets. Dex refuses to think about it. “It was chill man, Dad actually made it home… uh, had breakfast and stuff, then they went to some party at their friend's house last night.”

“And what about you?” Dex asks, brow furrowing.

“Oh well, I could have gone too but I just, well, you know.”

Dex’s frown deepens. _No_ he doesn’t know, he doesn’t know at all. He can’t imagine spending Christmas night alone, hell, the only way he gets _any_ alone time is by literally running away from the house.

“That doesn’t sound like fun bro,” he says instead, trying not to sound like he cares all that much.

“Yeah well, how about you? How was yours?”

The conversation between them flows easier than Dex expects, though Nursey seems to be doing a lot more talking than usually. He follows the road home mostly by memory, his attention to captured by the soft sound of Nursey’s chuckle and the shenanigans he and some of his neighborhood friends managed to get up to over break. Dex doesn’t realize how long he’s been talking to Nursey until he’s standing on his parent’s front porch, arm starting to ache from holding the phone to his ear. It’s weird actually, that they managed to make it this long without one of them hanging up on the other. Kat’s smirking at him from the kitchen window, her eyebrows dancing with glee when she notices he’s on the phone. Dex hates her.

“Hey Nurse,” he cuts in finally. “I’m sorry but I gotta go, gotta help Ma with breakfast.”

“Oh,” Nursey sounds surprised, or sad, or both. “Sure man, I’ll um, talk to you later?”

“Sure.” Dex can feel himself blushing in the cool December air. “Bye.” He hangs up quickly in an attempt to avoid the awkwardness, only to feel even more awkward about being abrupt.

“Who was _that_?” Kat sings as he steps inside, looking utterly ridiculous in URI sweatpants that are much too big for her and a hot pink sweatshirt. “Do you have a lady lover?” Dex scowls and glares at her, kicking his sneakers off into the pile by the door.

“No,” he snaps, stomping past her into the kitchen. “Just one of the guys on the team.” He pours himself a cup of coffee, adding half a spoon of sugar and a drop of cream. Holding the mug to his lips he turns around and surveys the kitchen. His dad stands at the stove, bacon sizzling in a pan in front of him. Only Maggie and Ben seem to be awake, waiting patiently at the kitchen counter while his mom pours pancake batter onto the griddle.

“Talking to Chris?” His mom asks over her shoulder, undoubtedly recalling Chowder’s enthusiasm from Family Weekend.

“Nah, Nurse.” Dex slides into a chair at the kitchen table, pretending he doesn’t see Kat creepily following him. “His parents left him home alone last night! I just… I can’t even believe it.”

“That’s fu- messed up,” Dex’s dad says over his shoulder, smiling sheepishly as his mom.

“You know all of your little friends are welcome here any time,” his mom adds, shaking her head at his dad. “You just let me know so I can make enough food.”

Dex smiles and returns to his coffee, just in time for Kat to mouth the words “little friends” at him. He scowls and attempts to kick her under the table, only for his toe to slam directly into a chair leg instead.

“Isn’t Nurse the hot one?” Kat asks, her cheeks darkening only slightly when their dad gives her a _look_.

“I don’t – what kind of – you haven’t even met _any_ of my teammates, so how would you even know?” Dex proudly finishes his sentence, trying to ignore the fact that his own face is turning red. Because _yes_ , Nursey is unfairly attractive. But no one else needs to know that he thinks that. Ever.

“Facebook bro,” Kat replies. She leans back in her chair, her expression soft. “Just asking.” Dex doesn’t quite know what to make of that, and then Kat smiles honestly at him. She _knows_.

“Derek is very handsome,” Dex’s mom adds as she flips pancakes. “But not as handsome as our Billy.”

Dex groans and lets his head thunk on the table. His family is the absolute worst.


	3. That roller coaster thrill thing that just keeps turnin' me on

_“You got that real thing that good vibe it feel thing_   
_That roller coaster thrill thing that just keeps turnin' me on_   
_Gives me that heart rush that can't help but wanna touch_   
_And I just can't get enough, baby just keep bringin' it on”_

_-Old Dominion,[Crazy Beautiful Sexy](https://play.spotify.com/track/3nC688MXGnFDAcL3lU1Ray)_

After some consideration, Dex decides to drive his truck back to school with him, now that he knows he could leave it out the house. Though that _might_ mean he has to let Haus residents use it, but he’s banking that none of them will know how to drive a stick. Bitty might, he mentioned having a truck back in Georgia, but Dex is just _praying_ that Ransom, Holster and Shitty would be completely lost. Jack he would trust though. His truck was in need of repairs before he left for Samwell though, so he pops the hood and gets to work, starting with the easy stuff, like changing the oil. It’s not all that surprising when Mikey Jordan (yes _that_ Mikey, the one that started his bisexual awakening) shows up. Mikey was his best friend all through high school, though they’d kind of fallen out of touch after graduation. But Mikey’s going to technical school to be a mechanic, and he can still make Dex laugh, and before long they’ve managed to change the oil and all the filters and even put a pair of studded tires on the front and switch the old front tires to the back. It’s… nice, to be around someone he has shared history with, someone who’s more than comfortable with comfortable silence and talking about _work_ for way time than needed. But Mikey understands what it’s like to work for everything he has.

It also solidifies the fact that Dex _definitely_ doesn’t have a crush on him anymore.

The problem is, that Dex gets to reflect on this during his hours and hours of alone time on the drive home. It’s fine at first, he’s got a perfect playlist put together and the rumble of the truck’s engine beneath his feet. But then his mind starts to wander, and things go from good to bad to worse pretty fucking quickly.

He doesn’t want to think about Derek Nurse okay, he really, really doesn’t. But one minute Dex is thinking about a new play he might offer up to Jack (if he can find the nerve), and the next he’s thinking about the way Nursey pulls his helmet off after a game. It has to be practiced, all smooth with a hair flick and artfully placed sweat and a perfect arc of Gatorade squirting towards his mouth. It’s ridiculous, and Dex can totally picture Nursey standing in front of the mirror, practicing until it looks natural. Fucking Nursey. As if he really needs to practice looking good. What an asshole.

Dex sighs, tapping his fingers along the steering wheel in time with the music. Someone’s probably written songs about Nursey and his green eyes and lopsided smirk. It’s kind of unfair really. Dex knows that being as tall as he is has given him some kind of advantage; chicks seem to dig tall guys. But Nursey gets to be tall _and_ built _and_ handsome. It’s just not allowed. Dex scowls through the windshield, annoyed that he’s even thinking about Derek Nurse to begin with. He reaches for the radio dial and cranks it up, praying that Journey will drown out all errant thoughts regarding Derek Nurse.

He’s barely back on campus for ten minutes before he decides to wander over to the Haus, sliding deliberately on the little patches of ice dotting the sidewalks. The campus is almost eerily empty, reminding Dex of pre-season, without the sunshine and balmy air. But he knows most of his team is already back, with practice coming tomorrow morning, and he’s itching to see them.

He can smell chocolate before he even opens the front door, seeping out from the cracked kitchen window. His stomach rumbles in response, a smile pulling at the corners of his mouth as he pushes open the door. Bouncy pop music, Holster’s singing, and soft laughter floats from the kitchen, and Dex shakes his head as he kicks his boots off and hangs up his coat. He follows the noise to the kitchen, poking his head in before sliding cautiously into the room.

Bitty is pulling a pan of brownies out of the oven, frowning slightly as he drops a handful of what looks like peanut butter chips on them before sliding them back in. Holster appears to be serenading Ransom, who is going back and forth between typing away at his computer and smiling encouragingly at his best friend. And then there’s Nursey.

Dex holds in a groan and resists the urge to go and stick his head in the freezer. There’s nothing objectively _sexy_ about sitting on a counter, but Nursey seems to come to it naturally. He’s wearing a sweater, which is his first offence, a bright, jewel toned blue that Dex has always been drawn to. But perhaps the worst part is the way he’s licking the spoon in his hand, eyes fastened firmly on Dex.

It’s rude, is what it is.

“Hey Dex!” Bitty grins as he slides into an empty chair at the table, picking up his phone. “How were your holidays?”

“Not bad,” Dex says, and his voice sounds weird, like his mouth is full of cotton. It’s probably because he hasn’t been able to take his eyes off of Derek Fucking Nurse. He settles into the last empty chair at the table, “How ‘bout you?”

“Good…” Bitty replies, distracted, eyes glued to his phone. Which is fine really, because Dex has other things on his mind. At no point in his life did he ask for this, watching Derek Nurse lick a spoon while some pop song that might be about rough sex is being sung irritatingly well in the background.

“You miss me, Poindexter?” Nursey asks, eyebrow quirked in that super aggravating way that of his. It is _not_ , under any circumstances, even mildly attractive.

“No,” Dex snaps, once he manages to unstick his tongue from the top of his mouth.

“And if you really need me,” Holster warbles. “You gotta, gotta, gotta, gotta, got to love me harder.”

“You’re always free to skype me,” Nursey drawls, winking in a way that can only be described as roguish. Dex hates him.

“We talked on the phone for like an hour, Nurse,” Dex grumbles. “I’d think that’d be enough for you.”

He doesn’t notice right away that the kitchen has gone silent around him, but once he does, his entire face heats. “What?” He scowls at all of them, deliberately avoiding Nursey’s undoubtedly smug face.

“You guys… you talked over break?” Bitty asks hesitantly, his phone hanging limply in his hands.

“I couldn’t survive that long without hearing my darling William’s voice,” Nursey sighs dramatically, drooping across the counter like some fair maiden. “I almost cried when he called me.”

“I didn’t,” Dex denies, glaring in the face of Nursey’s smirk. “ _You_ called me instead of just responding to my text like a _dweeb_.”

“Aw, you _did_ miss me!” Nursey moves far faster than Dex has ever seen him move before, practically flinging himself across the kitchen and into Dex’s lap. “I missed you to little buddy.” He ruffles Dex’s hair. Dex tries very hard not to _notice_ anything in particular about this situation. Instead, he groans and hides his face against Nursey’s (very good smelling wtf) shoulder. It’s going to be a long semester.

It’s mid-February and they played a tough game against Colgate, managing to squeak by with a win at 0-1, mostly thanks to Chowder’s prowess between the pipes. Ransom and Holster seem to be gearing up for a party at the hotel, taking beer requests from some of the boys as they all crowd into the elevator up to the third floor. Normally, Dex would join in, always down for a cold (or well, lukewarm) beer and some time with the guys. But he and Nursey played almost as much as Ransom and Holster tonight, and he managed to get into some sort of a checking competition with Colgate’s right winger. So needless to say, he’s tired, sore, and kind of looking forward to spending a night in a bed that isn’t a twin XL.

Nursey follows him down the hall to their shared room, hovering just too close as Dex struggles to unlock the door. It’s nothing new, Nursey always seems to be hovering, but this time he’s quiet, the usual chirps about being unable to work a key card suspiciously missing.

“You heading over to Rans and Holtz’s later?” Dex asks as they finally shuffle inside their room. Nursey doesn’t answer, just pushes past Dex and flops face first onto the closest bed. “I’ll take that as a no.”

As he usually does on roadies, Dex ignores Nursey’s existence (or tries to at least) and continues about on his usual nightly schedule. He washes his face, brushes his teeth and makes sure his tattoo is still covered before he strips down to his boxers and crawls into bed with his laptop. The comfortable silence lasts for about three minutes.

“Yo Dex?”

Dex’s fingers freeze on his keyboard as he slides his eyes towards Nursey. The guy hasn’t moved since they got back, except to squirm out of his coat and shoes.

“Yes?” Dex asks, trying not to find the way Nursey’s face is smooshed against the bed cute. He’s failing miserably.

“Watcha doin’ for spring break?”

Dex frowns at his laptop. They still had more than a month until break, and he honestly hadn’t really thought about it all that much.

“I dunno, probably go home and see the family for a few days, come back for that concert thing.” His eyes catch on an error in the string of code he’s working on, and he fixes it quickly. “What ‘bout you?”

“Not sure.” Stupidly, so stupidly, he stops typing and watches Nursey roll into his back, his t-shirt riding up enough that Dex can clearly see the cut of his hips and the distracting trail of hair that runs down from his belly button and disappears into his sweats. Dex bites his tongue and curses himself for getting himself into this situation. “I’m uh…” Dex blinks, drawing his attention back up to Nursey’s face. Not that that’s any less distracting. “Probably just gonna stay at school. My ‘rents are gonna be in London I think. Might go home… but it’d just be me by myself so…”

“You can come home with me if you want.”

It takes a moment of awkwardly intense eye contact with Nursey before Dex realizes exactly what he just said. Which is… fine, it’s fine.

“Really?” Nursey asks after _another_ moment of eye contact.

“Yeah sure,” Dex shrugs. “Ma said I should invite you back anyways.”

“Huh.” There’s something on Nursey’s face that he’s never seen there before, like he’s pleased, but not that smug kind that’s usually there. “Yeah I’d… I’d like that.”

Dex tries to hide his smile, but he’s sure he’s failing as he pulls out his phone to give him mother the news. And make her solemnly swear not to tell Katherine. He gets back a string of emojis that in no way instill any sort of confidence in him that she would actually do that. But at least he tried. He sneaks a glance over a Nursey, who’s still staring at the ceiling with a little smile on his face.

Dex is so, so fucked.

* * *

Exactly four weeks and five days later, and Dex is definitely still totally fucked.

 “What… is that?” Dex had been nervously awaiting spring break with Nursey, but now that the guy is clambering into his truck with what looks like an actual cooler, he’s questioning… _everything_.

“We’re road tripping, Poindexter!” Nursey grins, settling the cooler between his feet on the floor. “We _need_ snacks!” Dex blinks at him a few times, before deciding that, yes, he thinks Nursey and his cooler are kind of cute.

“It’s only a three hour ride Nurse,” he sighs, pretending like he’s not smiling as he puts the truck in drive.

“You’ll be singin’ a different tune when I pull out my nice cold Thin Mints and won’t let you have any.” Nursey grins at him as he pulls the seat belt across his chest. Having Nursey in his truck is weird to begin with, and having Nursey tease him while in his truck is unnerving.

Dex really, really, likes it.

Nursey doesn’t talk as much as Dex expects him to on the drive, seeming content to stare out the window, singing softly along with the radio whenever he knows the words. He takes a picture of Dex driving, and probably sends it to the group chat, judging by the number of times Dex’s phone goes off in the next fifteen minutes. He doesn’t look at it, though he does give Nursey a questioning look. All he gets is a shrug in response, and for once, he’s not all that upset.

“So…” Nursey starts after the start of hour two. He’s leaned back in the passenger seat like he belongs there (he might, actually, belong there, in Dex’s mind anyways). “Anything I should know about the Poindexter fam?”

“Well,” Dex glances over at him, before quickly looking away. He’s hard to look at, with his hair wild from the early spring breeze and his eyes pale green in the sunlight. “You met my mom and dad at family weekend… I have six siblings. Um, Kat is the oldest, she’s a junior at URI, I think she’ll be home when we get there. And uh, Kelly’s a junior in high school, she’s uh… she plays hockey too, goalie. Colin’s thirteen, and Ben and Dan will be nine next week. They’re probably going to be super annoying. The twins live to make my life miserable.” Dex grins just thinking about them, preparing himself to hand out some noogies when he gets home. “And last but not least is Maggie, she’ll be five in June. She’s my favorite.”

“That’s… a lot of siblings,” Nursey murmurs, eyes wide. “I’m kind of jealous.” Dex glances at him quickly, stomach twisting at the almost sad look on his face.

“We’ll reevaluate that statement after you spend a few days with them.”

The closer they get to home, the more nervous Dex feels. It’s not that he’s worried his family won’t like Nursey, in fact he knows they will love him. He’s more worried about their ability to see right through _him_. All it will take will be a few ill-timed sighs, or looks that last a second too long and Kat will _know_. Or well, she already _knows_ , but this will just confirm it. And it doesn’t take much for Colin to catch on to things like this either, and his Dad is the most observant dude Dex has ever known.

“There might be some screaming,” Dex warns as he pulls into the driveway, parking beside Kat’s VW bug. “Just ignore it, they stop quicker that way.” He chances a glance at Nursey, who looks mildly alarmed by the statement. Dex grins, widely, just to scare Nursey a little bit more. “Let’s do this.”

He jumps out of the truck without further ado, grabbing his duffle bag from the bed. It takes a moment for Nursey to do the same, his face drawn in like he’s biting the insides of his cheeks. It’s one of his nervous tics, something he does before big games or when he’s got a presentation in class. Dex is mildly annoyed that he _knows_ this little factoid, but they do spend an awful lot of time together. It’s fine.

They walk up the front steps together, Dex’s blood rushing in his ears. He’s never brought someone home before that his entire family doesn’t already know. Everyone knows everyone in Boothbay, with Dex’s parents growing up with the parents of the kids he went to school with. There’s never been a new friend, or a date to a dance, or a study buddy, that his parents haven’t known since they were four years old. But Nursey… It hits him then, that maybe _he_ should have been the one grilling Nursey about his past, so that he could play defense against questions he wouldn’t want to answer. But they’re here now, and it’s too late for that. It looks like Dex is going to have to step out of his comfort zone and play some offense.

“Billy!!!!” He opens the door only to have Ben, Dan, and Maggie fling themselves at him, nearly knocking him to the ground. Only barely does he manage to keep his reputation intact, dropping his bag on the floor so he can throw Ben over his shoulder, grab Dan around the middle, and waddle into the kitchen with Maggie wrapped around his leg.

“Have you guys been workin’ out?” He laughs, trying his best to do a curl with Dan. “I think you’re getting heavier.”

“It’s probably because they just ate the entire loaf of banana bread Ma made for you.” Colin smirks at him from his seat at the kitchen counter, blue eyes bright as they skip to Nursey (who Dex had kind of forgotten about) and back again. Dex huffs and drops his brothers unceremoniously to the floor, glaring at them as they giggle and hide behind his mother.

“Billy!” She sings, gently pulling Maggie away from his leg before pressing a kiss to his cheek and pulling him into a hug. The familiar smell of lavender and sugar and _home_ seeps the tension out of his body.

“Hey Ma,” he murmurs, squeezing her tightly before forcing himself to step back. “You remember Nur-Derek, right?” He reaches blindly for Nursey, luckily grabbing onto what feels like a wrist and dragging him forward.

“Of course I do!!” His mom coos, enveloping Nursey in one of her famous hugs. Dex smirks at him from behind his mother, pleased with the way he’s gone a little bug eyed. “Are you two hungry? That was such a long drive, come on now Derek dear, take a seat right next to Colin. I have a treat in the oven that should be finished in a few minutes.” She pushes Nursey towards the counter, before bustling back towards the stove. “Billy, take yours and Derek’s bags upstairs, you’ll be in the twins’ old room.”

Dex does as she asks, gently slipping Nursey’s bag from his shoulder before picking his own up off the floor. Nursey looks a little scared at the prospect of being left all alone. He smiles at him in what he hopes is a reassuring manner, though it feels like all the smiling he’s been doing is a bit unnatural. The _reason_ behind all the smiling makes him feel like scowling, so he turns on his heel and heads for the stairs.

He stops short at the top, staring through the open door of the bedroom he’s been assigned.

The bunk beds are gone.

He groans and shuffles inside, dropping both bags onto the floor with loud thuds.

“Fuck this.” He sinks down onto the single, full bed that has replaced the twins’ old bunks, complete with a quilt undoubtedly made by his great gram and lacy curtains on the windows. Looks like his mom got her guest bedroom after all.

“What’s with all the moaning?”

Dex turns to find Kelly leaning against the doorframe, her damp red hair thrown up in a messy bun on top of her head. She’s dressed in what look like a pair of his old sweatpants and a sport bra, face clear of any make-up like she might have just got home from practice.

“You could have warned me that Ma got rid of the bunks dude,” he moans, gesturing wildly at the curtains. “Now there’s not enough beds!” Kelly shrugs, her lips lifting up into a smirk that Dex knows looks just like his.

“Kat told me not to tell.” Her smirk widens into a grin. “She promised me beer.”

Dex scowls as he stands. “You’re too young to be drinking beer.” He stomps towards the door, brushing past his sister. She giggles and follows him down the stairs.

“As if you and Mikey weren’t sneaking his dad’s whiskey when you were like thirteen.”

“We were not thirteen, we were-“

Kelly lets out a squeak as they reach the bottom of the stairs and turn into the kitchen, her brown eyes going wide as her cheeks instantly turn red. Dex watches as her hands come up to cover herself, and then she’s turning and disappearing back up the stairs. He frowns for a moment, not exactly sure what that even was. And then his eyes fall on Nursey, lounging at the kitchen counter like some kind of model for a home magazine. Oh. Well, that makes sense.

“That was Kelly,” Dex says as explanation. “She uh… she’s weird.”

“Goalies, bro.” Nursey agrees, grinning lazily like he _knows_ exactly what was up with Kelly. Probably does know, because he’s a giant pain in the ass.

“Hello William.” At the sound of that voice, Dex’s spine stiffens, and he turns toward the kitchen table with a glare firmly fixed on his face.

“ _Katherine_.”

“Oh come on you two,” his mom interrupts, snapping a dish towel in Dex’s direction. “We have a guest!”

“It’s alright ma’am,” Nursey drawls, leaning on the counter with his chin in his hand. “Dex has made threats upon my life multiple times. This is old hat for me.”

“ _William!_ ” His mom gasps. “I raised you better than that!” Dex ignores her, eyes still fixed on his all too smug elder sister. Having a sister is tough, since past a certain age you can’t wrestle your problems away. Oh no, you have to be stealthier than that with a sister.

“So,” Dex continues, sliding into the chair across from Kat. “Care to explain to me where you’re sleeping tonight?”

Kat grins at him, too wide to be anything but annoying. God. He hates her so much right now.

“I’m sleeping on the couch in my _favorite_ brother, Colin’s room,” she replies, oh so sweetly.

“Hey!” Ben and Dan say together, little faces slipping into pouts.

“You know,” Nursey says, and _god_ Dex had almost forgotten he was here. “There’s a lot less gingers than I expected, but this is _mad_ entertaining.” Dex turns and glares at him over his shoulder.

“There’s an air mattress in the hall closet Billy,” his mom says distractedly, pulling what smells like _another_ loaf of banana bread out of the oven. “Cool your jets kiddo.”

“Yeah _Billy_ ,” Nursey smirks at him. “Chill.”

Dex groans and drops his head into his hands. Why did he ever think this was a good idea?

* * *

“So Derek.” Dex glances at Kat out of the corner of his eye, watching suspiciously as she lifts her second can of Bud Light to her lips. “You got a girlfriend?”

The three of them are sitting on the back porch roof, having crawled out there through the window in Maggie and Kelly’s room. A half empty thirty rack sits on the roof behind them, that Kat procured from who knows where.

“Nah,” Nursey grins, leaning back on the roof like some kind of model. Dex scowls at his sister. Normally he’d be mortified to have any of his siblings flirting with his friends, but Kat isn’t blushing, and her grin is too smug for her to be doing this for herself. “Gotta wait ‘till my defensive half here finds himself a woman.” Nursey nudges him with his elbow. “Can’t leave him hanging.”

“As if you aren’t hooking up with people at every party,” Dex grumbles into his beer, hoping the darkness of the March night hides his blush. “You’re just afraid of commitment.”

“So are you bro!” Nursey shoots back, mildly offended. Before Dex can lob another chirp back at him, Kat cuts in with an ill-timed scoff and raised eyebrows.

“Are you kidding?” She points her beer towards Dex. “That kid is the _king_ of commitment. Ready to lock it down at all times. Anything less and he _whines_ about it for fucking ages.” Dex shoots her a warning look, but she plows on, oblivious as always. “I mean, hello? You’ve seen his tattoo right?”

Briefly, Dex considers flinging himself off the roof. He’s done it before, though there was a trampoline at the time, and this time he’s pretty sure he’d land on Maggie’s tipped over Barbie jeep. Although it might be worth it, to avoid this particular conversation.

“No fucking way man!” Nursey’s eyes are _sparkling_ in the darkness. It’s the worst thing Dex has ever seen.

“Seriously?” Kat’s laughs, tipping forward and ripping up the sleeve of Dex’s t-shirt. “Oh.” She sobers for a moment, big blue eyes full of regret as they flick up to meet Dex’s. It’s obvious now, that the band aid on his bicep is covering something, so he peels it off, resigned to his fate.

The roof goes quiet, and stays quiet for long enough that the peepers start to chirp in the stream that runs behind the house.

“I’m gonna…” Kat scrambles up onto her hands and knees. “I’m gonna go bother Colin,” she says, already halfway through the window. “You guys can have the beer.” There’s a loud thud that must be Kat hitting the floor, and then silence returns.

“So…” Nursey starts, scooting across the shingles, close enough that Dex can feel the warmth of his skin against his arm. “You wanna talk about it?”

“Not really.” Dex flicks the crumpled up Band-Aid into the darkness. “Obviously.”

For a moment, Dex kind of hopes that Nursey will just let this whole thing go. 

“I knew a Rochelle…”

Dex presses his face into his knees and groans.

“I went to high school with her,” Nursey continues. “She was mad cute bro, I think she ended up going to Stanford?” Dex holds his breath, hoping he just stops there. “She had some guy’s name tattooed on her wrist bro! Wouldn’t it be fucking funny if-“

Dex can practically hear the gears turning in Nursey’s head as he puts two and two together. Once again he contemplates just rolling off the roof, but at this point, that might be even more embarrassing than Nursey figuring it out.

“Dude… why were you hiding it? Rochelle told me it wasn’t a bad break-up with you guys?” Nursey’s voice is soft, _too_ soft, making the back of Dex’s throat burn.

“Do you remember one of the first things you said when you walked into the locker room on the first day of practice?” Dex asks his knees, refusing to look at his friend.

“No…” Nursey whispers, cautiously, like he knows whatever comes next isn’t going to be good.

“You made some joke about your mom not wanting you to get some chick’s name tattooed on your ass.” Dex sighs, scrubbing a hand through his hair. “And I _knew_ you knew ‘Chelle, I saw you, through Skype, the day she broke up with me.”

“Dude…”

“Listen, it’s not a big deal okay? I just… knew if anyone on the team saw it I’d get chirped to hell and back.” Dex finally lifts his head, surprised to find Nursey looking utterly serious. “I mean, I know I’m supposed to regret it but I don’t? I loved her. A fucking lot. I still do I guess, I don’t think you can ever stop loving a person, you know?”

The silence settles around them, and Dex is still staring at Nursey, and Nursey’s staring back at him. It should probably be uncomfortable, but it isn’t. Staring at Nursey is almost easy, taking in the cut of his cheekbones and the gentleness of his eyes and the way Dex kind of wants to know what those lips taste like.

Yup. The staring needs to stop, asap.

“Anyways,” Dex rolls onto his knees, reaching for the 30 rack and dragging it towards him. “We should probably go figure out that air mattress or whatever.” Nursey follows without a word, and Dex considers that a small victory.

“You know,” Nursey says as they stand shoulder to shoulder, staring at the lump of rolled up plastic before them. “We don’t really need this.”

“I’m not sleeping on the floor bro,” Dex counters, moving to start rolling the thing out.

“No I mean-“

“And you’re not either because my ma would _murder_ me.”

“We can share the fucking bed asshole,” Nursey snaps. He might actually be blushing. Dex kind of wants to die.

“I dunno Nurse…”

“Look at how big it is!” Nursey exclaims, flopping down onto the bed. “It’s like twice the size of our beds at school.” Dex bites his lip, debating the merits of sharing a _bed_ with Nursey, or having to sleep on an air mattress that he knows for a fact will be half deflated by the morning. Huffing, he pulls a beer out of the box by the door and pops the top, draining it in one long pull. He lets out a long burp.

“Fine.” Nursey grins at him, and his stomach flips. He’s so, so fucked.


	4. We're like two halves of one heart

_“We try staying up late_   
_But we both are light weights_   
_Yeah we get off our face, too easy_   
_And we take jokes way too far_   
_'Cause sometimes living's too hard_   
_We're like two halves of one heart_   
_We are, we are, we are”_

_-Troye Sivan,[for him.](https://play.spotify.com/track/5gBEdUKVZJgvQwNu8pIQqy)_

 “ _Dex_.”

Dex lays perfectly still, pretending to be asleep.

“Dude I can see you smiling.” Nursey sounds like he’s smiling too, like it might be dangerous for Dex to open his eyes. He does anyways, not at all prepared to actually be able to _see_ himself lying in bed with Derek Nurse.

“What do you want Nurse?” He huffs, unable to infuse his words with any of the usual bite. Nursey grins at him, and it’s still disarming to be on the receiving end of something so honest.

“So do you like, have a girl you’re into at school?” Nursey asks, his voice dipping back into a whisper. “Or like… a boy?” Dex stares at him for a long moment, holding his gaze until Nursey starts to squirm uncomfortably.

“Is this your way of trying to determine my sexuality?” He asks finally, holding back a smirk when Nursey groans and covers his face. He does not at all think about the way the noise Nursey made makes his stomach flip, and he definitely doesn’t think about the fact that he’s shirtless in bed with Derek Nurse.

“No! I’m not – that wasn’t – why do you – oh my _god.”_

“I don’t really know if that’s a fair thing to ask, considering you haven’t told _me_ your… preferences either.” Dex smirks, hoping the darkness hides the flush on his cheeks. “Besides, is this really an appropriate conversation to be having in bed?”

“I don’t – you can’t – you don’t…” Nursey gives up and turns his face into his pillow. “Just go back to sleep and stop smirking at me like that, you enormous dickhead.”

Dex swallows the myriad of inappropriate jokes dancing along the tip of his tongue, preferring to admire Nursey for a moment instead. The sheets have slipped down toward his waist, the soft moonlight just bright enough to illuminate the intricate lines and curls of the tattoo on his arm. Dex wants to touch it, wants to trace the lines with the pads of his fingers, his lips, his tongue.

He really, _really_ needs to _not_ think about his hands or his mouth or _anything_ anywhere near Nursey while they are sharing a bed. Sleeping on the floor obviously would have been the smart choice to begin with, but when it comes to Derek Nurse, Dex has never been all that smart.

“I’m bi, I think,” he says, going ahead and proving the fact that he can’t think straight around Nursey. Pun not intended… but definitely true. He doesn’t dare look at Nursey, rolling onto his back and staring at the ceiling, ignoring the fact that a solid third of his body is very much not on the mattress. Which is fine, really, considering the fact that Nursey’s making a noise that _might_ mean he’s choking on his own spit.

“R-really dude?” He finally chokes out, his normally low voice an octave or two higher than usual. “That’s uh, that’s chill, man.”

“I mean, I definitely find people of both genders attractive, you know?” Dex continues, for some, unknown, probably stupid, reason. “But like, I don’t usually want to date people until I know them better? Like, well, with Rochelle it was different, I kind of fell for her after like one night but like with-“ He stops short, cheeks burning at the _you_ sitting on the tip of his tongue. “Um, I dunno, the few other times, it’s always been people I’m friends with.” He pauses, considering that sentence for a moment. “But not like _all_ my friends obviously. I mean, like pretty much the entire team is unnaturally good looking? But I don’t want to date all of you guys – only like – I mean – none of you really. I mean, you’re all a bunch of assholes so like-“

“You babble when you’re nervous!” Dex can hear the grin in Nursey’s voice, and it’s enough to set every inch of his skin on fire. “That is so fucking adorable, oh my _god_.” He pinches Dex’s cheek, like a grandma or something, giggling when Dex turns his head and snaps his teeth. “But it’s cool bro,” Nursey continues, voice softer. “I got your back.” He pats Dex’s chest, and Dex is sure it’s supposed to be comforting, but all he can think about is the warmth of Nursey’s palm and the way he wants to lean into it. “Plus I’m like mad fluid, I just think all people are beautiful.”

Dex covers Nursey’s hand with his own, finally turning his head as he musters up the most somber look he possibly can.

“Thank you for sharing this moment with me.” He manages to hold Nursey’s gaze for approximately 3 seconds before bursting out in laughter (he is _not_ giggling okay. He is _not_ ). 

“You’re such a dick, man,” Nursey huffs, but his lips twitch in the corners anyways.

“Takes one to know one!” Dex laughs, feeling lighter than he has in months, years maybe.

Dex wakes up in the morning, too warm and half hanging off the bed. He’s confused for a moment, until he tries to get better situated on the bed and finds knees and elbows blocking his way. Nursey somehow managed to starfish across the mattress during the night, like he owns the place or something. Dex tries to focus on the annoyance of spending the entire night almost falling off the bed instead of other things, like the way Nursey looks kind of like an angel while he’s sleeping. Well… other than the drool coming out of his mouth.

The house seems to be oddly quiet, and it takes Dex a few more minutes to remember that it’s Monday, that most of his brothers and sisters are at school, and that his dad is at work. He slips out of the bed, pulling on a pair of sweats before quietly heading out into the hallway. He can faintly hear the click of a keyboard, and he follows the sound to find his mom sitting in front of her desk in what used to be the nursery. She’s frowning at the screen, glasses slipping low on her nose and her gray streaked curls pulled up into two rather ridiculous pig tails.

“Morning Ma,” Dex yawns, padding across the floor to press a kiss to her hair.

“Mornin’ punkin’,” she murmurs back, looking up at him with a smile. “Sleep okay last night?”

“Yeah fine,” Dex answers quickly, praying to God that he doesn’t start to blush.

“Good,” she smirks at him, and not for the first time Dex wonders if his mother actually does know _everything_ about him. “Since both you and Kat are home today, I think I’m going to take a trip down to the extension office. I just need one of you to be here with Maggie.” She’s turned back to her computer, frowning at email that’s zoomed in an embarrassing amount. “I think they’re watching TV in Colin’s room, so you and Derek should have some time for yourselves.” The smirk comes back, this time aimed at him directly over her shoulder. Dex tries very, very hard to act like he has absolutely no idea what she is alluding to.

“Cool.” He groans internally, fully aware that he never uses the term _cool_. Ever. “Think we’re going to go for a run. Nurse hates cardio.” He grins when his mom shakes her head, mumbling something about _silly boys_ under her breath. Whatever. She can think whatever she wants to think, but the reality of the matter is that Dex lives to torture Nursey.

This time when he returns to his bedroom he doesn’t go about it quietly, relishing in the creak of the door and the way it thumps against the duffle bag still lying on the floor.

“Wakey wakey eggs and bacey!” He sings, smirking when Nursey groans from the bed. Nursey wakes up quicker than expected though, stretching (uh oh) and rubbing his eyes (yup this was a bad choice) before blinking up at Dex. Raising his eyebrows Dex leans against the doorway and folds his arms, hoping he’s giving off an air of superiority. Or at least cool collectedness – not showing the fact that he’s actively losing his shit over Derek Nurse and his stupid face.

“You look like a hot sailor.”

Dex tilts his head, unable to stop the smile (or the blush) spreading across his face. “What?”

Nursey looks sufficiently horrified, dropping his face to his hands and groaning.

“I just,” he gestures in Dex’s direction without looking up. “Your tattoo man, it’s like… something a sailor would have? And you’re like… a fisherman, you know? I mean, just give me a break dude, it’s like the crack of dawn.”

“It’s almost nine,” Dex grumbles, trying not to think about the fact that Nursey just described him as _hot_. “And we’re going for a run.”

Nursey moans about it about as much as could be expected, but he follows Dex’s lead and pulls on a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt. Dex settles on a long sleeve under armor, and _not_ because he likes the way the fabric clings to his biceps and chest. It’s not like he’s trying to show off or anything.

They set off along his usual route, following East Shore Drive down towards the beach. Running with Nursey is easy, their paces almost automatically matching up. Nursey doesn’t talk much, probably because he’s not happy about the whole exercise thing, but Dex doesn’t mind. It almost feels like they’ve stepped into an alternate universe, where the air tastes like sea salt and the weak spring sunshine filters down through the clouds. When they hop the gate for the beach Nursey lets out a little noise of surprise, but he doesn’t say anything. Dex laughs when he attempts to run down the loose sand, just barely saving himself from face planting. After that he joins Dex on the packed wet sand. The gentle crash of the waves adds to the otherworldliness of the morning; a small part of Dex wishes he could live in this moment forever.

By the time they reach the end of the beach there’s sweat dripping from Dex’s forehead and pooling at the base of his spine. Nursey doesn’t sound like he’s faring much better, gasping dramatically every time Dex as much as glances at him. Before Dex can turn around and head back the other way, Nursey lets out a rather pornographic groan and collapses onto the sand. For a moment, Dex considers leaving him there, but then Nursey stretches and his shirt rides up and Dex isn’t going anywhere any time soon. He settles onto the sand next to him, taking a swig from the water bottle he’s brought with him before handing it to Nursey.

“You’re an angel,” Nursey sighs, holding the bottle to his lips, eyes fluttering closed as he tips his head back and drinks. Dex wants to chirp him – about being a college athlete who hates running, about being an overdramatic idiot, about getting his germs on Dex’s water bottle – but instead he just stares, watching the bob of his throat and the sweat beading on his neck.

“You are so ridiculous,” is all he can manage, accepting the water bottle back and taking a huge gulp in an effort to keep himself from saying anything else. Nursey just smirks and reclines back on his elbows, green eyes going unfocused as he stares out at the ocean. It looks almost gray today, reflecting back the clouds that can’t seem to decide if they’re staying or going. There’s barely any space between him and Nursey, and the air occupying it seems unnaturally warm, though Dex isn’t sure if it’s because of the sweating or something else entirely.

“This place is mad chill man,” Nursey says after a moment. He’s smirking like he wants Dex to make a stink about his over use of the word chill. Instead Dex just huffs and presses their shoulders together, taking another drink of water.

“Yeah it is,” he agrees, pushing himself to his feet. “Come on, we’ll walk back.” Nursey takes Dex’s proffered hand, stumbling into him when Dex pulls him to his feet. He smells like sweat and laundry detergent and fancy cologne, and Dex kind of wants to bury his face in his chest. It’s actually the worst thing ever.

“So do you wanna come back here, after graduation?” Nursey asks once they reach the road again, their shoulders bumping as they walk. Dex hums and stares at the pavement in front of him, trying to imagine a future at all.

“I dunno.” He kicks at a rock, watching it skitter across the road. Living anywhere else would seem wrong, he misses the sea air and the small town atmosphere when he’s at school as it is. But there’s not a lot of jobs here, and it’s quite a drive to Augusta and even farther to Portland, not that the job offers there are any better. “I mean, if I could have a good job and still live here, that would be the best.”  He looks sideways at Nursey, the way the the clouds above turn his eyes a darker gray. “What about you? Going back to New York to be a poet?”

Nursey laughs then, this clear, honest thing that Dex has never heard before. It makes his cheeks feel hot and his stomach twist and he kind of wants to listen to that sound for the rest of his life. “Nah man,” Nursey says, pushing a hand through his hair. “I’ve spent my entire life either in a city or surrounded by rich white boys… I kinda like this small town vibe.” He flexes his long, elegant fingers. “Makes me wanna write.”

Dex hums in agreement, fingers itching to reach out and curl around Nursey’s. There’s a part of him that wants to warn Nursey, wants to tell him that no matter how quaint small towns might seem, it’s almost impossible to escape the bigoted people that live there. But the other half of him can’t help but imagine it, living in a little house on the beach with Nursey, with a cabin on a lake up north that they could visit in the summer. It would work, Nursey could get inspired by nature and Dex could set up an office and do coding from home and they would be… Dex feels his eyes go wide as he realizes exactly what he was just envisioning.

“Yo,” Nursey elbows him in the ribs, _hard_. “That truck wasn’t there when we left was it?”

Dex squints towards his house, alarmed for a moment before he recognizes the chrome stacks and impeccable black paint that can only mean Mikey Jordan.

“It’s just Mikey,” Dex explains, trying his best to ignore the way his stomach is swooping as they near the house. The fact that his former best friend/crush is going to be meeting his quickly becoming best friend/reluctant crush has not escaped his notice. He kind of wants to run and hide, afraid that his unstoppable blush and big mouth are going to get him in trouble somewhere along the line. But then Mikey comes into view, sitting awkwardly on the porch steps with his dark hair slicked back and Oakley sunglasses on, and Dex is struck by the familiarity of it all.

“Hey man!” He calls out, glancing briefly at an apprehensive looking Nursey before meeting Mikey halfway for a hug. Mikey smells familiar, like Axe and diesel smoke, his hands firm as they slap against his back. “This is my fr-br…” Dex falters as he pulls out of the hug, unsure of how to accurately describe Derek Nurse without sounding like a totally dweeb. “My defensive half,” he finishes with a smirk in Nursey’s direction, flames igniting low in his belly when Nursey’s cheeks darken just slightly as he smiles. “Nursey, this is Mikey, we’ve been bros since we were like, 4.”

“I think we were 2, actually,” Mikey grins as he shakes Nursey’s hand. Dex wants to ask Mikey what he’s doing here, since they were never the type of friends to just show up randomly at each other’s houses, but it feels rude or something.

“How’s MMT going?” He asks instead, trying to force his face into an expression that isn’t weird. Judging by the almost amused look on Nursey’s face, he’s failing spectacularly.

“Pretty good man,” Mikey lights up, gesturing towards his truck. “I’ve been interning at a shop, they let me buy tires at cost. Got a sick deal on these swampers.”

“ _Dude_.” Dex follows him over to the truck, squatting down to admire the tires. “35’s? You’ve been looking for these for ages.” He glances over his shoulder at Nursey, who appears to be utterly confused by the words coming out of their mouths.

“Right?” Mikey grins and pats the hood of his truck. “When you need new ones let me know, I’ll try and hook you up.” He nods at Dex’s truck, which seems small next to his lifted monster. “We gotta get that thing lifted too man.”

“Probably just a leveling kit,” Dex shrugs, smirk already pulling at his mouth. “I’m not trying to compensate for anything.”

“Hey fuck you, you-“ Just as Mikey’s about to punch Dex in the arm, the front door of the house flies open.

“Ready to go babe…” Kat’s eyes go wide when she spots Dex, her entire face flushing the color of ripe tomato. Dex glances between his sister and Mikey, unsure if he wants to chirp his sister within an inch of her life, or be weirded out that she’s possibly dating his former best friend. That he also might have wanted to date. At one point.

“Damn,” Nursey drawls, snapping Dex out of his daze. “I need to carry around a bowl of popcorn at all times hangin’ around you people.” Dex can’t help but laugh, covering his face to hide the way he’s sure his eyes went all soft. God. He just wants stand next to Nursey with their arms around each other, wants to make fun of his sister together and kiss Nursey’s mouth.

“Maggie’s all yours, Billy,” Kat says after another awkward silence, apparently having pulled herself together enough to act like nothing out of the ordinary is going on. Dex narrows his eyes, taking in the low neck of her shirt and the tightness of her jeans and the way her make-up is darker and just _more_ than usual. She doesn’t look… _bad_ , but she’s his sister and he’s a little brother just as much as he is a big brother, and he really, really, needs to make fun of her.

“Never pictured you as a cradle robber,” he grins, relishing in the way her eyes flash and her cheeks turn abruptly back to red.

“I am _not_ ,” she hisses, stomping down the steps and heading directly towards the passenger side of Mikey’s truck. “Screw you.” She hops up into the truck with the ease of someone who has done it many times before, slamming the door firmly behind her.

“Yo, you’re not like, mad… are you?” Mikey has his hands shoved in his pockets, shoulders hunched like he’s trying to make his 6 foot frame seem _small_. While Dex does feel a little weird about it, it’s less to do with Mikey dating his sister, and more to do with the fact that his sister is dating the guy he was semi in love with for like… most of high school before he met Rochelle.

“Nah,” he shakes his head, reaching out and punching Mikey softly in the shoulder. “I’m gonna give her hell man, but we’re chill.” Nursey snorts behind him but he ignores it, offering Mikey what he hopes is a reassuring smile.

“Thanks Billy,” Mikey punches him back, before turning and climbing up into his truck. Dex watches them drive away, deciding to stare down the road instead of acknowledging Nursey’s ridiculous presence. Not that Nursey’s going to give him a choice on that.

“Dude,” Nursey laughs, throwing and arm around Dex’s shoulders. “You totally just used chill in a sentence. I’m so proud.”

“I hate you.” Dex turns them towards the house but doesn’t dislodge Nursey’s arm, too content to lean into his side and wrap his arm around his waist. “Also you smell bro, it’s gross.”

“You should talk man,” Nursey hums, bumping Dex with his hip as they climb the front steps. They have to disentangle to get in the door, and Dex kind of hates it, wishing they were like Ransom and Holster so he could get all back up in Nursey’s space again once they were inside. Instead he gets an armful of little sister, her blue eyes big and wide and her wispy blonde hair alight with static electricity.

“Biwwy,” she sighs, rubbing her eyes with her fists. “I’m hungry.”

“Nice to meet you hungry, I’m Billy.” Nursey makes a sound that might be a gasp, but Dex ignores him, shifting Maggie more comfortably to his hip as he walks into the kitchen.

“Not funny,” Maggie grumbles, her little fingers digging into the meat of his shoulder.

“It was,” Dex grins, setting her down on the counter. “Did you have breakfast already?” Maggie makes that face, the one that means she’s trying to pretend she’s not lying, eyes oddly big and lips quivering in the corners.

“No.”

“Are you sure?” Dex pulls down two bowls and a box of cereal, pushing them towards Nursey. “I think Ma made you toast this morning already. Would you like an apple or a banana?” Maggie huffs and crosses her arms, eyeing the cereal Nursey’s pouring out wistfully.

“I want cereal,” she insists, batting her eyelashes like that’s supposed to do something for her. Nursey looks about ready to give in, his lips doing the same pout as when Chowder says something adorable. Dex on the other hand, is not so easily swayed.

“How about an apple and some peanut butter?” He offers. Maggie scowls at him but finally agrees, staring at him with watchful eyes as he washes and slices the apple for her. Nursey’s eyes are on him too, causing little ripple of awareness to squirm up and down his spine. Dex kind of likes it, even when he turns and Nursey’s still staring, even when he starts to blush and Nursey smiles at him all lopsided and lazy.

“I like this you,” Nursey says, much, much later. Darkness has fallen again, following a boisterous Poindexter meal that included a lot of teasing and even more laughter. They’re on the roof again, almost empty thirty rack at their feet. Dex hums and presses closer to Nursey, pulling his sweatshirt tighter around his shoulders.

“I’m not two different people,” he grumbles, tipping back the rest of his beer. “I’m still the same guy.”

“Hmmm… I guess.” He can feel Nursey’s eyes on the side of his face, as if he’s suddenly become transparent. “You’re just… _more_ here.”

“More?” Dex turns and raises his eyebrows, trying not to think about how close they are sitting, or how their legs and arms are overlapping.

“It’s just an observation, chill dude.” Nursey smirks as he sips from his beer, eyes already going a little hazy.

“Oh shut up,” Dex sighs, unable to keep the amusement from his voice as he cracks another beer. The frogs that come out in the early spring start to sing in the woods as they fall into silence, the distant sound of the ocean just loud enough to be heard on the breeze. It’s peaceful, and cozy, and Dex never wants to be anywhere else.

“So like, is it weird? Havin’ your sister date your buddy?” Nursey’s stretched out on his back now, arms folded behind his head and beer long forgotten. “I always wondered, you know, if that was actually a thing dudes got pissed about or not? Like… in high school some of the guys would get in fights about it but… you know how rich boys are.”

“Chyeah.” Dex sighs and copies Nursey’s position, staring up at the infinite stars winking down at them from the inky blackness. “I don’t really care who my sisters date… as long as they're not assholes. I mean, maybe with Kel or Maggie it’ll be different, but Kat can take care of herself. And Mikey was my best friend. I know he’s a good dude. He’ll take care of her.”

“Isn’t it a little early for the whole taking care deal?”Nursey turns his head, and their close enough that Dex can feel his breath on his face.

“How it is out here,” Dex hums, turning his face back towards the stars. “Besides, it’s more weird that I used to have like a major crush on Mikey back in high school.”

“ _No._ ”

“Yeah,” Dex chuckles, glancing at Nursey out of the corner of his eye. “I almost got caught staring in the locker room once, he was a center on our high school team. God it was bad.”

“He looks nothing like Rochelle man,” Nursey laughs, and it sounds like chocolate tastes. “Do you even have a type bro?”

“Nah, I told you man,” Dex turns to face him again, eyes catching on the slope of Nursey’s nose and hollows of his cheeks. “It’s usually like… I gotta be friends with ‘em before I wanna like, hold hands and shit.” His eyes flick to Nursey’s lips, then back up to his eyes. “But I do kinda got a thing for people that push my buttons.”

The sideways smile that slides across Nursey’s face has heat coiling around his spine and pooling in the pit of his stomach. It’s been a long time since he’s felt like this, excitement tinged with hope mixed with raw desire.

“Yeah?” Nursey asks, rolling towards Dex, onto his side. His hand lands on Dex’s arm, warm, so warm. “Do I push your buttons?”

Dex looks at him, with his beautiful eyes and ridiculous hair and lips that he wants to taste. He thinks about all the times he’s wanted to punch Nursey right in the face, and all the times he wanted to push him up against a wall and kiss his mouth.

“Yeah.” The minute he says it the bottom of his stomach drops out, and he’s floating, tethered only by Nursey’s hand on his arm.

“Y-yeah?” Nursey blinks, face splitting into a not at all chill grin. “I mean, that’s, that’s good!”

“Is it?” Dex asks, rolling on his side towards Nursey. “You sure?” Nursey opens his mouth like he’s going to answer, but Dex doesn’t give him the chance. He curls his hand around Nursey’s jaw and tugs, pulling him in until their noses brush. “This okay?”

“Fuck yeah,” Nursey breathes, and then they’re kissing.

Nursey kisses like he plays hockey, lazy on the surface but filled with fire underneath. His hands burn where they push up under Dex’s shirt, knuckles brushing against his stomach, palms pressing against his chest. His teeth pull at Dex’s bottom lip until he groans.

“God Dex,” Nursey breathes, pressing hot kisses to the bottom of his jaw. “You’re so fucking hot I can’t stand it.”

“We can’t - oh god - _Nursey_.” Dex pulls him back into a searing kiss, not caring that their teeth clack as long as their tongues brush. “My sisters are right there.” He whispers between kisses. “We can’t do this here.”

They sneak back through the girls’ room, with Dex resolutely not looking at Kelly’s bed. It feels like he’s breaking some kind of rule, locking the bedroom door behind them and watching as Nursey attempts to pull off his clothes in what is probably supposed to be a sexy manner. (And he is breaking rules, he knows he is, Kat and Kelly aren’t allowed to bring boys up into their bedrooms). He forgets about breaking rules when Nursey tries to kick off his pants and forgets his shoes, tripping head first towards the bed. It’s ridiculous and endearing and god Dex is so, so in love with him.

“Derek,” he says, dropping to his knees and carefully slipping Nursey’s sneakers from his feet. “You are an annoying, obnoxious, klutz.” Nursey blinks down at him, clearly affronted. “And I am so into you it’s not even funny.” Nursey grins, wide and beautiful and foreshadowing of absolutely terrible things.

“Yo, hashtag same man.”

Dex groans and lets his head drop to Nursey’s knee. This is the boy he loves.

\--

 “Mama P, thank you!”

Dex watches as Nursey hugs his mom, absolutely refusing to blush when she waggles her eyebrows at him over Nursey’s shoulder. She has no idea about the making out on the beach and cuddling in bed and the arguments that serve as foreplay. She just thinks he’s got some kind of crush.

“Come on Nursey,” he sighs. “Release my mother, please.”

“Come back any time Derek,” his mom sings, reaching for Dex and pulling his face down for a kiss. “Make sure Dex calls me at least once a week.”

It’s warm for March, the sun shining brightly in the brilliant blue sky. Dex’s tattoo peeks out from beneath the sleeve of his t-shirt, and for the first time in a long time, it doesn’t bother him.

“Does it bother you, though?” He turns to look at Nursey in the passenger seat, lounging like he belongs there (and he does, he does).

“Does what bother me?” Nursey snaps another picture of Dex with a shit eating grin.

Dex glares at him, though he can’t seem to muster the same heat as he used to. “The fact that I have someone else’s name tattooed on my arm.”

“Nah.” He shrugs, pushing his fingers through those thick curls. “But it’d be mad chill if you got my name like, right under it. I checked with ‘Chelle, she’s cool with it.”

“No.” Dex doesn’t need to look at him to know the smile he’s got on his face, all faux innocence. “No more tattoos.”

“Even for me babe?”

“Especially for you.” Dex grins out the windshield, knowing that’s a bold faced lie.

* * *

 

It takes two months and three days for Dex to tell Nursey he loves him, a little dramatically, maybe, as they say their goodbyes for the summer.

It takes a year for them to tell the team. They wait until after Ransom and Holster lead them to the championships, after they’re sure the whole kissing thing (and well, _other_ things) don’t affect their chemistry on the ice.

It takes Nursey two years and three months to convince Dex to get another tattoo. It’s another cliche, crossed hockey sticks with a banner that says ‘got your back’ to cover up Rochelle’s name.  He, Chowder, Nursey and Bitty all get them the day before Bitty’s graduation. Nursey holds his hand the entire time, and only complains a little bit when Dex squeezes his fingers so hard they turn purple.

It takes four years for Dex to start thinking about things like a house and a dog and kids and marriage, and five years to _ask_ , but it only took one day for him to know that Derek Nurse was the person he wanted to annoy for the rest of their lives. 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading this monster!  
> You can find me on [tumblr](http://dexsnursey.tumblr.com) where I do a lot of yelling about nurseydex and crying about Jamie Benn (among other things)  
> I have also posted a summary of this fic [here](http://dexsnursey.tumblr.com/post/152613314085/meat-candy) on tumblr!


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